no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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