I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
