Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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