it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
