Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
