that's an acceptable place to lick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
