Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
