I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize