I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
