We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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