His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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