This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize