I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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