She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you would pick up someone in the library
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
