exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
