It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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