She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
