Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
