if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
