i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
