chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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