I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
