I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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