look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
