First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
