but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
