took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
