what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
