please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
two words: eviction party
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i think i just lost a toe
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize