My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
