No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
