theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
