He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
