god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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