I molested 6 butterflies tonight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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