okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
