So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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