its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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