He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
