who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
