i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize