Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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