I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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