If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
