see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
