True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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