I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
