we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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