saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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