The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
