Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
