if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
