My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
