Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
