I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you had me at cake vodka
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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