This is not my ceiling
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
