my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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