Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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