wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
