im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
