i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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