dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
