Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
