Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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