So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
