So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
