that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
