Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
