Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
