But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize