Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
