no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize