She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
