sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pants are for mortals
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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