i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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