WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
