Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
