I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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