My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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