is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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