Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We have started to decorate penises.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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