Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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