"it" just moved
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
