i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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