i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
