just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
