Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
