i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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