there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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