4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
