plz talk dirty to me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
