guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
