I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize