I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
last night I used snow as a chaser
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
