but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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