are you still at the devil's house?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
