i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
