I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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