We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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