he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
