Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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