the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
