He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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