dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
