Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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