the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
