me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
