apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
